Press ‘play’ on parenting: Building resilience with co-gaming

Natalie Schriefer traces her love of gaming back to when she was five and watching her mom play Nintendo. Over the years, playing games like The Legend of Zelda and Call of Duty, by herself and with family members, has taught her important lessons about creative problem-solving and building resilience—skills she now applies as a writer and editor for content about video games and tech, for publications and sites including WIRED and CNN. 

For parents raising gamers, Schriefer shares how co-gaming can help kids develop confidence and life skills.

“Playing Minecraft with your kid for a half hour, even if it’s not a game you enjoy, is a way of being in their world with them,” says Schriefer. “It’s a form of bonding—and it also demonstrates the importance of trying new things.”

Here’s a guide to finding the teachable moments in your kid’s favorite game.

Pause and assess your resources. After graduating from college, Schriefer was thrilled to start her first full-time job—until she realized that the environment was not a good fit. But rather than feel resigned to her situation, she took a moment to assess her resources and potential options, a reflex she developed through games like The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

“The longer I sat with my situation, the more I saw that I had choices and tools,” says Schriefer. “Walking away [from the job] wasn’t an option, so I had to look at the resources I had and how they could be applied—the same way I navigated the Water Temple. Applying this strategy in real life made a huge difference.”

Parent tip: When your child faces a tough level, encourage them to pause and think about the tools and strategies they’ve already unlocked in the game. Ask them, “What resources do you already have that can help solve this?”

Get curious about challenges. Schriefer began to recognize the link between gaming and building resilience when she first encountered the work of psychologist Carol Dweck. In her book “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” Dweck suggests that kids develop resilience when they’re encouraged to think about their mistakes with curiosity rather than with fear and shame—an opportunity that often arises in gaming.

“Sometimes, you come across a level that you’re certain is impossible. But after exploring the problem a little longer, you realize it’s actually just that you didn’t have the right tool,” says Schriefer. “So, when I experience that feeling in real life, I remind myself that I’ve felt this way before and that it didn’t last forever.”

Parent tip: When your child struggles with a game, model curiosity by asking, “What do you think is missing here? Let’s explore together to figure it out!” Remind them that it’s okay to try again.

Know when to pause. Another essential aspect of building resilience is the ability to take a challenge all the way through to resolution. But whether you’re playing a video game or facing a real-world obstacle, it’s important for kids to learn that “sticking with it” doesn’t have to mean handling a complex challenge all at once. 

“There’s a difference between taking a break from your game because you’re frustrated and throwing your controller at the TV. Both are responses to a challenge, but one is healthier—and cheaper—than the other,” says Schriefer. “Sometimes resilience means taking a break and recognizing that you’re too upset at the moment to make a good decision.”

Parent tip: Show your child how to take healthy breaks by suggesting, “Let’s pause and come back to this when we feel calmer. Sometimes stepping away helps us see solutions more clearly.”

Connect with your support network. Even though games take place in virtual worlds, there are plenty of ways that they can spark real-life interactions. Schriefer shares that co-gaming with her mother and brother has not only been a way to strengthen family ties, but also to learn how others handle challenges.

“Share your process of handling the emotions and challenges that come up during and outside of gameplay,” says Schriefer. “That way, they see the challenges you’re dealing with and what you’re doing to cope.”

Parent tip: While co-gaming, demonstrate teamwork and problem-solving by discussing your moves aloud. Say things like, “Here’s how I’m solving this. What do you think?”

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